sometimes i think of him and the first time that he caught my eye from across the hall. he had a lip piercing back then, and still wore a hemp necklace. he had a girlfriend. he has a girlfriend. i want to say that our eyes locked and that i had to force myself to look away. but in truth, memories fade with time. a lot has changed in the past four years, for the both of us. since that first day, since that first time that i saw him, i think that i’ve been nearly half in love with him. but it as if i am numb to the jealousy i should feel when i see him with her. he was the easiest person for me to forget as well as the easiest person for me to fall back in lust with.
i wish i could capture that look in your eyes; that look i’ve seen under one thousand moons.
and sometimes i think that i’m the most lonely girl in the world because no boy has ever liked me enough to make me his girlfriend and i have not liked a boy well enough to call him mine.
i don’t know if its normal to have anxiety before work but i always always always get so nervous and it doesn’t make any sense i shouldn’t be in the service industry because i get so uncomfortable talking to strangers and i can smile all i want but at the end of the day everything feels more so like an out of body experience than my own life it’s all so weird my stomach feels hollow
why did you stare at me like that? i watched you watch me and it made me jittery and shaky and i tried to say goodbye to you but my voice quivered and i was too nervous to speak up and so you never got the chance to hear me. but you know, i liked the way you watched me, even if i could feel my cheeks flush and my knees weaken. i’ve missed those blue eyes and that smart ass grin of yours. i wish we could have had the chance to talk, but i’m sure that day will come. i must learn to practice patience.
work was actually pretty swell. i hate that pestering anxious feeling that develops whenever i begin a new job, but after a while i got comfortable enough to take the initiative to begin not only doing my job, but helping others as well. the girl who is helping to train me said that i was doing a…
(Source: stonedalone)
wednesday:
7:00 am wake up
homework for red robin to do in the morning.
9:00 get ready for work
11:20 leave house
2:00 off work
3:00 five page essay
thursday:
9:00 am wake up
print off two rough drafts
10:25 leave for school
1:00 first break in over 24 hours….
friday:
work
it’s funny how things have changed. i could foresee that come fall, nothing would remain the same. still, it’s silly how those goddamn social networking sites seem to make things official. everyday i mourn the loss of a wandering soul. i hardly expect anyone to stay the same forever, but it’s the acceptance of this vacancy inside of me that has at last helped to bond my wounds. everyday i wish that i could meet new people and allow myself to escape into new adventures but it’s hard when my life seems so predictable and exclusive to this valley.
i got a job working with a sort of ex of mine and i feel anxious and silly ‘cause every time i talk to him i get all sorts of flustered.
